*dies laughing*

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

'The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.

'The sand is everything else---the small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'

'The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.'

missatralissa shared this in her journal, and I had to share it with everyone here... if you need incentive to watch, it has Neil Patrick Harris, Margaret Cho, and Jack Black as Jesus!!!

For the holidays, I wanted to make sure you all had my recipe for my FAMOUS tequila Christmas cookies.
Happy Holidays!


Tequila Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp. salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tbsp.. lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle tequila

Sample the tequila in a large glass to check quality.
Take a large bowl, and check the tequila again, to be sure it is of
the highest quality. Pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl...
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point, it¹s best to make sure the tequila is still OK, so, try another cup.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit and the damn cup off the floor.
Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just
pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the tequila to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Check the tequila.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don¹t forget to beat off the turner.
Put the bowl through the window, finish off the booze and make sure to put the dirty stove in the dishwasher.

CHERRY MISTMAS TO ALL!

Step One
- Make a post (public, friendslocked, filtered...whatever you're comfortable with) to your journal. The post should contain your list of 10 holiday wishes. The wishes can be anything at all, from simple and fandom-related ("I'd love a Snape/Hermione icon that's just for me") to medium ("I wish for _____ on DVD") to really big ("All I want for Christmas is a new car/computer/house/TV.") The important thing is, make sure these wishes are things you really, truly want.

- If you wish for real life things (not fics or icons), make sure you include some sort of contact info in your post, whether it's your address or just your email address where Santa (or one of his elves) could get in touch with you.

- Also, make sure you post some version of these guidelines in your LJ, so that the holiday joy will spread.

Step Two
- Surf around your friendslist (or friendsfriends, or just random journals) to see who has posted their list. And now here's the important part:

- If you see a wish you can grant, and it's in your heart to do so, make someone's wish come true. Sometimes someone's trash is another's treasure, and if you have a leather jacket you don't want or a gift certificate you won't use--or even know where you could get someone's dream purebred Basset Hound for free--do it.

You needn't spend money on these wishes unless you want to. The point isn't to put people out, it's to provide everyone a chance to be someone else's holiday elf--to spread the joy. Gifts can be made anonymously or not--it's your call.

There are no rules with this project, no guarantees, and no strings attached. Just...wish, and it might come true. Give, and you might receive. And you'll have the joy of knowing you made someone's holiday special.

( My List-ish Thing )

In 1943, Great Britain was crafting a plan to invade Sicily but needed the Germans and Italians to think they were invading elsewhere. They needed a spy, but he had to be a stiff - and I don't mean uptight, I mean an honest to goodness dead person. They gave the dead man a new name, Major William Martin, some fictitious history, English currency, love letters, and a cryptic letter outlining an imminent invasion of either Sardinia, on the right side of Italy, or Greece, on the left. The body was tossed from a British submarine off the coast of Spain, where it soon washed ashore. The Germans believed the information was correct and removed troops to the coasts of Greece and Sardinia. That night, thousands of British soldiers parachuted onto the relatively unguarded island of Sicily. They are credited with being the crucial first line of soldiers that ultimately made the D-Day invasion possible. A dead, fictitious man played a key role in one of the most decisive battles of World War II - I guess that's truly esprit de corpse.

So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you’re cool...

( and there's dl links this time )

so, I went to a pre-screening of the movie Hancock, where they were all "No phones or electronic devices!" I didn't tuck my phone in my cleavage, I swear and force people to submit to metal detectors ignore the beeping at my waist, security guy, I'm wearing a metal belt before letting us in without checking our bloody tickets.... and, well...













and that's all I'm gonna say about it for now.... go see it next week when it comes out.... do it I say ^_^


oh, and lisa, change your damn wiper blade... and I cheated the code for epic

The Kansas City Star ran a blurb about National Clown Week on its July 30, 1999, "Family Fun" page. Naturally, the editorial decision was made to include a silly, funny picture of a clown to accompany the article. How could you go wrong putting a picture of an adorable, goofy clown in your newspaper? Well, the only way would be if the clown in question was actually notorious serial killer John Wayne Gacy. Besides being a convicted murderer of thirty-three boys and young men, Gacy, a Chicago native, was also an amateur clown who went by the name of "Pogo the Clown." It was a picture of Gacy in clown makeup that was used alongside the article about National Clown Week. The Star printed an editor's note the following day apologizing for being such Bozos.






and on a side note, my computer apparently hates lj today, so I'm trying to add all my new friends, but it may take a bloody while to manage it

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. The nameplate by the window tells him he's speaking with Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack", says the frog, "I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a vacation."

Patty eyes the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says, "Certainly, my name is Kermit Jagger, my dad's Mick Jagger, and really, it's okay, I know the bank manager."

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some
collateral.

Kermit says 'Sure. I have this,' and produces a tiny porcelain
elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into his office.

She tells the manager, 'Look, you won't believe this, but there's a frog out here named Kermit Jagger who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000 from the bank, and he wants to use this as collateral.' holding up the tiny pink elephant. 'What is this anyway?'


The bank manager looks back at her and says.......

'It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan, His old man's a Rolling Stone.'

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)
Never take life too seriously! Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!!

so, because someone on deviantArt is a douche-bag, my entire gallery got deleted, all 101 deviations... and I know I was targeted, cuz all my fav's are still there, nothing wrong with them at all... so I'm pulling out of dA for a while... I'm so pissed though, cuz I was starting to get recognition for mah photoshopin' skillz, and now it's all gone... so fuck dA and whoever reported my entire gallery as a gods be dammed copyright violation...

Preview:


( here be icons )

omg, someone actually did it

Optimus Prime. A member of the United States National Guard

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unusual_personal_names

I just read this, and it really helped me with the crappy turn my life appears to have taken, and, maybe it can help someone else too

( think on this )